31/12/20

Dear Tovia,

You don’t seem to hate me as much as everyone else so I’m uncertain as to whether this letter of apology is necessary or not. You came into this year with one major focus which was to finally accomplish the goals you set out for yourself and I’m sorry if I interrupted any of those and also take full responsibility for my actions but then take a honest look at yourself. Did you accomplish what you said you’ll accomplish? those ones i didn’t interrupt. While it’ll be fun to play the blame game, I need you to also take responsibility as I have.

Nevertheless, I’m proud of you and here’s why.

Amongst the many highlights of your year, watching you step out of your comfort zone was such a relief. I’ve watched you remain in your shell for far too long and I’m delighted that both my actions and inactions made you crawl out of that hole you inhabited for so long.

Me: *Pfft* the hole was getting stuffy and I needed air, that’s the only reason I’m out here

2020: But you’re glad, aren’t you?

Me: Don’t make it sound as if I need to be out here to be seen, you forget that value is what places a person out.

2020: They say that value is what calls you out not personality and maybe they’re right but how is anyone supposed to know of this value you possess if you don’t put yourself out there somehow? I maintain my stand that you needed to stop keeping your life small and step out of your comfort zone and if I have to happen all over again just to see you step out, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.

Me: Stop trying to take credit for something you had no hand in

2020: Is that so? How about your newly found self-love, Don’t you think you have me to thank for that?

Me: How so?

2020: I’m glad you asked. In my opinion, you’re similar to the ocean; oceana as I like to call her. I’ve watched you give without realizing that the pitcher needs filling too. At your own expense, you refilled a cup that remained ungrateful time after time and then just like the ocean you began to resent the magic that is your softness. You begged and pleaded that a little bit of wickedness be sprinkled over your heart to create the balance you thought you needed. I saw the tables turn and you transform from selfless to selfish.

Me: And that’s a bad thing?

2020: Not necessarily, in your selfishness you learnt to fall in love with yourself, I saw you give the love you used to attach to temporary people to yourself. I guess you finally realized that at the end of the day you only truly have you so you’ve learnt to fall in utter and complete love with yourself, it’s beautiful to watch.

Me: So you’re calling my kindness a weakness?

2020: Don’t misunderstand me, I know you don’t hear this enough but your kindness is courage but I think it’s a problem when you put your own self on the line every time.

Me: So I need to be selfish to love myself?

2020: Of course not, you’re going through a selfish stage in search of the balance between selflessness, self-sacrifice and self-sabotage and just like the moon, you’ll return back to your place after your lunar cycle.

Me: That sounded like it was just me though, what role did you play in that?

2020: Seriously? Fine, I’ll let you have that one but you have to admit that I’m the reason you listened to the clay’s tale. With the time I created for you, you learnt from the clay that pain is not just an indication that your village people are at work. You learnt that pain does occur for a reason. I’ve seen you give your pain purpose and harness the power behind such pain and I’m happy for you.

Me: Thanks to clay then

2020: *scoffs* Okay how about learning that you are utterly unique and that diversity is the magic that flows through your veins and so you don’t need to fit into society’s standard?

Me: You think you taught me that?

2020: Unbelievable

Tell me, was it your mum that sat and watched as you took all the wrong cards that life dealt you and decided to tweak and write your narrative. Who taught you that you’re the scriptwriter and this is your story?

Me: I guess I figured that one out myself. This was supposed to be an apology but all I see is you fishing for compliments.

2020: You’re really something else, anyways I take my leave.

Me: You should, you’ve overstayed your welcome.

From start to finish, 2020 was a lot but we’ve made it through and I’m sincerely grateful. I can’t thank you enough for reading, sharing and leaving your comments, it really does mean a lot. I would love to put out content you love, so if you have any ideas please leave them in the anonymous link below, you can also leave personal comments and just about anything.

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Thank you and I hope 2021 is as amazing as you are💕.