My man.Our man.

Sit a while with me dear friend, let me tell you about my lover.

Our lover if I may.

He’s unconventional, in the same manner that everything about me is. He excites me just as my fingers tingle whenever I write to you. He makes love to my mind. Slowly. Intentionally. With ease and caution, like he’s almost afraid I’ll slip like fine grain through his fingers. If he looks away too long, he’s convinced I’ll disappear.

We’ve been lovers for as long as I can remember. The memories preceding him are hazy, they’re all from a different time period. It’s almost like they don’t belong to me. I’m sitting across from him and writing this piece because I have to, I need to. He’s smiling now; his is a curve that humiliates crescents and whenever he unearths his teeth, the pearly gates weep in shame.

“you’re awfully quiet’”, he finally speaks

“And you’re being nosy”, I snap

He gets to me in two stretches of his long legs and he’s sweeping me into his hands before I can say…well nothing. He checks my eyes, pressing the back of his hand to my forehead and asks me what the matter is, all in one breath. This is it. It’s the way he cares for me that has me captive. It’s the moments like these that make me stay even when I desperately want to leave, even though I know I should leave.

I know what you’re thinking.

A man that’s intentional about loving you and you want to leave?

In these trying times when our only consolation is “somebody’s son”?

But I promise it gets better so sit with me still.

He gives me everything; both the things I want and the things I don’t know I need but these days; these days I want little and need less. At least not from him. I’m sick of it but it I can’t leave.
How can I leave when he holds me in his arms and strokes my hair lovingly?
When his arms are where I find solace.
His love is the kind that takes, takes and then takes some more but somehow convinces you that he’s doing all the giving. So I dance to his tune and let him take.

My dreams? He can have them

My words? He can keep them

My poems? They belong to him anyway.

Pardon me dear friend for in my haste to tell you our story, I forgot to introduce you to my lover. Dearest reader, meet my long-time lover; Fear.

Now that you’ve met my lover, I guess it’s safe to say that he’s a lover we share. Only, in varying degrees.

Some know him at infancy; fear of starting

When he’s in his youth; fear of continuing

When he’s grey and old; fear of beginning a new project on a foundation you’ve already built.

Whatever hat fear wears when he dines with you, chances are he’s worn it with someone else. While that doesn’t solve anything, it’s comforting to know that you’re not entirely alone. It’s okay to be scared. Trust me, the majority of us are.

For some of you, you’re scared of starting something because you’re uncertain about what tomorrow brings;(what if I don’t want to do this next year?) but please start anyway. Who knows, you just might discover new things about yourself on this journey. In Salem’s words “don’t let the fact that you might not do it tomorrow affect your willingness to do it today”

For you who’s afraid to continue. Honey you didn’t come this far to let something so trivial stop you (yes, its trivial because it stands no grounds compared the force you are) so please go back to the drawing board if you must but please keep at it.

For you who’s scared to begin a new project. You started with baby breath and shaky legs but here you are; all grown with fused bones and mentos ridden breath (forgive me for this). Let the child in you come out to play again. Go back to your roots and crawl if you must but don’t ever give up.

Dear friend, you deserve to see what’s on the other end of trying and while I can almost guarantee that failure will be who you find, I’m certain it’ll do you a world of good to fail. No it’s not a typo. Try again, fail again and fail better so that you can improve with the lessons you’ve learnt. This is how you win. I’m rooting for you honey, do the same for me because I write this with my heart in hand and two pockets full of fears.

Remember that there’s strength in vulnerability and have an amazing day🧡.