Lies they told me (I)

They lied.

I was 12 when they told me he came to a person thrice.

“Just look for the dashing man in red”

No other color but red. So I waited, I waited for the man in red and I found him first when I was 16. He came to me in the version of my brown eyed boy, it didn’t matter that this wasn’t exactly the shade of red I was looking for. I managed to convince myself that this red was red enough for me.

The next time I found him, I was 19. This time he was tall, light-skinned and pink lipped with the illusion of the red I craved for. This red just like they described is the one that carries all the theatricals, the red I promise to tell you about when I’m done being shaken up by it.

I was 20 when it first crossed my mind that perhaps I’d been dished piping hot lies served with a chilled glass of hollandia to cushion the effect. I became scared on one hand and giddy on the other. According to them, I had one last chance with him and the possibility that I could ruin it sat pretty at the core of my worries. I braced myself for him this time, I didn’t want to be caught unaware but he never came. He never came because they told me lies. I’m convinced that they lied because I’ve seen him much more than thrice.

I saw him with the lady in church as she bent down giving her rapt attention to a toddler whose name she didn’t even know. I felt him when Gloria said ‘’thank you, thank you’’ in that beautiful voice of hers and when she went out of her way to do things for me. I caught a glimpse of him as Halima shimmied into her jeans on her way to the hospital for someone she barely knew. He was present when Nicholas couldn’t hear me because she was on the phone with someone who meant more to her than the question “How’s your project coming”.

He’s the reason Vanessa comes back to buy toast every-day even after complaining that it’s causing a dent in her bank account. He smiled when I dragged myself to Naza’s room to see if she was doing okay after we hadn’t talked for days, and chuckled when she returned the favor and we exchanged genuine I love you’s despite the cloud of hurt that clearly hung over both our heads. I caught him shedding a tear as Peculiar said “you’ve been taking pictures of everyone else, let me take pictures of you” or was it when Tofunmi took it upon herself to create a human sized nest in my heart by simply existing (it’s possible that he cried on both occasions; he’s such a sop).

He’s pleasantly amused whenever Maureen and Beatrice bicker; which is every-time by the way. He stared at Shade in awe as she crafted those emails on New year’s eve. When Mary danced in front of the mirror he cheered her on and made snorting sounds as Gije said “you’ve strayed too far from the light”. And when Zigwai bought me ice cream, I can swear that I saw him wink.

He’s always been there; watching, laughing, crying, staring and sometimes just being. You and I miss him because we’re too busy waiting for him to show up in some red suit and sweep us off our feet but I promise you dear friend that love looks pretty in blue too.

There’s magic in the seemingly mundane friendships and that magic goes by the name love. Love is the reason I dragged my sleepy self to a friends room on a day when the weather was good enough while mumbling “this weather is too good to not spend with the people I love”. Each time people talk about love we’re often redirected to romantic relationships and that’s why you hear people say things like “I’ve never experienced love”. But maybe, just maybe it could be because you’re looking through the wrong glass. Love was here, is here and when tomorrow comes, he’ll be there. I can feel him now, even as I write this to you.

Have an amazing day and remember that in vulnerability lies strength🧡