This is not a love story.

Excerpt…

That’s how it starts until one day..
All this information will begin to fade little by little and I’ll be left with mere fragments…like the ashes that remain in the fireplace in memory of bright flames that once glowed, in memory of a love that once was.

It was Tuesday, the first of September 2020 and it’s a day you’ll never forget, only you don’t know it yet. It was a fairly beautiful day and the dark clouds held promises of a latter rain. Whenever you think back to that day, you would wonder why it wasn’t entirely dark or why the sun wasn’t particularly scorching. You would wonder why nature didn’t deem it fit to present you with any warning.

Later that day, as you stared at his words in bedazzled confusion you wished for once that you possessed fairy godmother’s ability to wave a wand and fix the world. You wished your tears were a wand that somehow dropped on this screen and changed these words into something desirable. What was it this time? Was it the way you dressed or the way you addressed? The way you spoke or the way you listened? There had to be an explanation, something that gives meaning to the confusion in your eyes as it danced from letter to letter. Was it a sin you recently committed? You thought of what you must’ve done for heaven to punish you so but came up with nothing, well except that one time you lied but that couldn’t be it, right?

You’ve known pain before and you’re no stranger to the world of heartbreaks but it hits different this time. You didn’t go searching, just as the blog posts advised, you hadn’t over done it, in retrospect you ticked all the boxes on their “10 tips on how to keep a man” list but you still couldn’t keep a man. Your subconscious has never spared you and today was no exception. She mocked and taunted you saying “I thought you said he was the one” now look at you; your soul as drenched as your clothes. You looked at the clouds and appreciated them for crying along with you, at least someone was on your side. The words “I knew we weren’t meant to be, at least not for now” seemed to be laughing at you in that annoying high pitched voice and the words “our story hasn’t ended yet” glimmered like a consolation price as you tried to taste their suggestiveness on your tongue:
“Not now but probably later”
“Not the girlfriend but definitely the wife”
You shook your head and thought “must be some kind of crack” because how else could you explain this insanity sprinkled with audacity?

As you looked in the mirror that day, tear stricken face and all, you decided that this would be the beginning of the end. The end of crying, begging and killing poor flowers in the name of “he loves me, he loves me not”. If he couldn’t see and appreciate all the beauty that you were then there was no need trying to convince him. You finally understood that you could be everything but still be nothing to someone. It’s the strange mechanism of love and while it’s absurd and a little unfair, it’s okay. You decided there and then to channel all that love to the only human you were sure would have your back forever, the only one who would love you in all the ways you deserved to be loved and my God you’ve never looked more beautiful to me. Tear stricken face and all.

Gentle reminder that valentine’s day is about love and love expresses itself in various forms. Having someone love all that you are is a beautiful thing but loving yourself is number two on the chart, beneath God’s love for you.

Make it a point of duty to be your own lover and all other things will be added unto you.

Happy Valentine’s day, whenever that is.